Immortal BDSS
by BROKEN Brother Draco
Summary: Started off as individual mercs, became a rock band and a stable, and now as Huntsmen! Beacon Academy will never...EVEEEEER be the same again! Joined Sai, Damion, Nicolas and Draco as they take on the adventures in Remnant. Requested by Elvisfan994 and Sai Kunai Blade.
1. Chapter 1

The fellas and I were out for a night on the town, having a grand time when we saw a serious hold-up in front of one of the larger Dust stores I affectionately refer to as "Dust Banks", since they're about as well-fortified as a federal bank, like the one Joker robbed in The Dark Knight, or the ones you rob in Grand Theft Auto. There were armed thugs crawling all over the place, easily holding the terrified staff and customers hostage while attempting to break into the vaults containing the dust with 2 armored cars ready to haul it away. "Huh. Looks like those guys are about to exceed their daily withdrawal limit." Damion said casually.

"Indeed. Let's go, boys, what kind of good Samaritans would we be if we didn't step in and stop this?" Sai asked, equally as casual, slipping on his fingerless armored gauntlets and Iron Reaver Finger Blades with chains attached and holes in the fingertips to act as flamethrowers for him to shoot fire from, so basically he's a mix between either Sabertooth or Freddy Krueger and Spawn with flamethrowers fingers.

Vamps aka Damion pulled out his katana with a high-powered pistol installed, so for those of you who play Soul Calibur, picture Cervantes' gun sword as a katana instead of a curvy short sword.

Nicolas pulled out and swung his hybrid weapon, a War Hammer with spikes on the front, back and top of the hammer part to crush and impale and at the bottom of the weapon was a ray gun, to make it deadly at all ends.

Last but not least, your's truly also slid on his gauntlets with Wolverine claws and sitting just behind the claws were barrels for uzis, for up-close slashing and speedy distance shooting. Lastly, as I got into range of the closest thug, who turned just in time to see his imminent death.

After Nick took off the head of the thug, he then quickly maneuvered the weapon to aim the laser at the next thug who became alert to our attack, vaporizing him before he could get the word freeze out. The next one who was just to the side of that one (they were lined up in groups of 4 front of the armored cars, we just attacked the one on the right) was alerted and aimed his gun at Nicolas. "Hey, drop your weapo-!" He started, but was silenced by Damion dropping off the top of the armored car in between him and the 4th thug, slitting his throat, then quickly wheeling around and blasting the 4th thug in the head.

"Hey! Drop the weapon or eat lead, punks!" The apparent leader of the 4 thugs in front of the left car said as they all aimed their guns at the two. However, they were distracted when they heard a loud noise like someone landing hard on a metal roof and looked on top of their car to see me in a kneeling position on top of it.

"Surprise, motherfuckers!" I said, shooting the two on the ends, then jumping off and impaling the two thugs previously in the middle of their group. "Miss me?" I asked.

"Hurry it up next time, you cheeky bastard." Damion said as he and Sai did that weird type of handshake where you shake hands, then snap.

"Yeah, a little too close for comfort." Nicolas agreed.

"We all know you two weren't in any danger." Vamps replied nonchalantly.

"Now you are, punks! Drop dead!" The leader in a group of 10 thugs that just came out said. They all unloaded on us friends, but suddenly, chains appeared in front of them, moving as if they were alive, knocking the bullets out of the air and when their guns were empty, a chain wrapped around each of the thugs' legs, lifting them up into the air upside-down so they could look me in the face as Sai stood on top of the first armored car.

"Care to explain why you were shooting at my friends?" Sai asked in his best impersonation of Freddy from the reboot movie where he was played by Anthony Hopkins.

"Holy shit!" They all shouted, reaching to their sides and grabbing pistols and aiming at me, but the Silver Haired Enigma pointed his fingers outward and shot fire as hot as the sun at them, roasting them alive in easily a single second.

"Nice!" I said, with my thumb raised up.

"I love doing that shit, that is creepy, awesome and badass as hell at the same time." Sai said, jumping down as the chains re-wrapped around his arms, then he walked up to the doors and kicked them open. "Party crashers!" He announced getting the rest of the thug's attention.

"Who are these punks? Waste 'em!" They all said, aiming at us.

"Zenshin!" Sai told them to advance in Japanese, covering them with my chains and picking off another group of 10 in the process to drag off and fight up-close and personal.

"Time for swift death, but painful execution!" Damion said as he knocked away his own group of 10 with the back of his blade.

The whole time he was advancing, I was repeating "mine, mine, mine!" Faster and faster until he dove at his group of 10. "EVERYTHING DIES!" I shouted, getting ready to ram them with my shoulder, but teleporting to my own little area for my grand showdown, then ramming into them with my shoulder and causing them to smash into the wall that was now behind them. "Who's next?!" I demanded, quoting former pro wrestler, Bill Goldberg.

"Time for the bodies to hit the floor!" Nicolas said as he knocked away his own 10 and started singing "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor".

 **BGM:** **"Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" by Drowning Pool**

The thugs surrounded Nicolas, but he simply smirked. "Hammer time!" He said, lunging at the 3 in front of him, catching them and decapitating them with one swing, then easily bringing the hammer behind him and blocked the attack of one of the thugs behind him, then moved the weapon around and blasted the thug's head off without even looking, maneuvering back into both hands, then pushing it forward to catch the guy rushing in at him with the spike on top of the weapon, piercing the dude's throat for an instant kill, then firing off two more lasers from the bottom to kill the two on his left (they surrounded him in a bit of a rounded square: 3 guys in front of him, 3 guys behind him and 2 to the left and right).

"Holy shit, this guy's a beast!" One of the thugs behind him said to the other, terrified.

Nicolas smirked at this. "You don't know the half of it." He said, making bone hands come from portals on the walls to push the two together, allowing him to easily smash both of them. The last thug looked at him, pressed up against a wall in fear, but when Nicolas turned to him, he held out his sword type weapon (the same type of things the guys were using against Ruby... Or Yang in the "Yellow" Trailer) at him, but then screamed and ran past him, trying to escape. "Hey, don't forget your parting gift!" He said, aiming the hybrid weapon and vaporizing the retreating thug with a well-aimed laser blast.

With myself, the thugs had me surrounded too, in the same way, but they were taking a little more caution, trying to analyze the situation. I was in the middle, not moving as well, but that's because I was waiting for them to make a move... For about 5 minutes, before he got bored. "Are you jabronies gonna actually do anything?" I asked annoyed.

This apparently caused them to snap. "Rush him!" One of them said and all but one agreed and rushed at him from each angle (front, front left, front right, left, right, back, back left, back right), but he smirked at this, got on his toes and spun in one perfect circle, cutting their heads clean off. Just like with Nicolas, the last one was pressed up against the wall to my right in fear, but when I looked at him, he pointed his sword at him and pulled out his pistol.

"Don't come any closer, kid! I warn ya!" He said, trembling.

I smirked at this. "Okay." I said, raising his arm and shooting him in the face with all 3 uzis on the hand at once, killing him insantly.

Damion was surrounded in the same way, just waiting for one of them to make a move, arms down at his sides. One to his right screamed and ran in, but with a lightning-fast motion, he brought his arm forward, up, around/back and easily sliced the attackers head off, before bringing the weapon back behind him, blocking a strike that would've otherwise cut through his shoulder, then pulling the trigger and blasting the attacking thug in the head. "Next?" He asked. One to his left ran in at him, but he moved his arm out to the side opposite of the attacker, then brought it towards him quickly and impaled him as he was wide open, going for an overhead strike to chop downward on the vampire, who then spun around and hit him with a palm strike in the chest, sending him forward into the other thug on his right, sending them both into a wall, crushing the one who hadn't attacked behind the one that did. "That's 4. 6 to go." He said. He then spun around and sliced the last two behind him in half at the hip as they risked a few steps forward, then he brought the weapon behind him again and shot two of the ones in front of him in the head, leaving the one in the center alive. The last one on his left ran in and went for a wide swing with his right arm to cut Damion in half similar to how he cut the two thugs in half, but with a smaller, one-handed weapon. This failed as he left himself wide open and Damion easily brought his sword up and through his jaw, then through his brain and out the top of his head, shooting the already dead thug in the heard a couple of times for good measure. He then slid the thug off the blade and before the last one could do anything, he threw the sword straight through his head, tacking him to the wall behind him. "Whether I'm throwing something or aiming a gun, I never miss." He smirked, proud of himself.

Finally, with the Silver Haired Enigma who is also surrounded, but he simply rushed in, slicing the 3 in front of him up into sushi rolls, then turned to the guys on his left and struck out his right arm like Scorpion when throwing his spear, causing the chains on his ring and middle finger to lash out and smash the two thugs in the head, caving their skulls in, then he held out his left hand and shot streams of fire at the two on his left, roasting them alive, then turned his attention to the last 3. "Just give up and I'll make it painless." Sai said, still in the Freddy tone. However, this fell upon deaf ears, as the two on the sides ran in at him, but he wrapped the still free chains on his fingers around their necks and snapped their necks, then disappearing, reappearing behind the last terrified thug and grabbing the top of his head with my right hand and tilting his head back, ready to stab him with the eyes with my trigger fingers on my left hand "Controller triggers, you pervs! You know like L1 and L2. Of course, they are triggers for other things, but that's besides the point." He said to the fourth wall.

"Oh, god..." He said in fear.

"No... Just me..." Sai said, again in the scary-ass Krueger voice, stabbing him in the eyes and killing him.

 **BGM: end**

"Not a bad night, eh, guys?" I asked as we reconvened back in the bank. "This calls for a celebration with a haiku!"

"This should be interesting." Damion said.

I cleared my throat for little bit. " _A_ haiku, by Draco: _I hate asparagus/ And think it totally sucks_ / _Why is it not meat?_ " I finished then I asked "What do you guys think?"

"Well...umm..." Nicolas said.

"Uh... I plead the fif." Sai says, not wanting to hurt my feelings.

"Hey, are those guys getting away?" Nicolas asked, pointing to two thugs who had heard the commotion from upstairs and just made a break for the door with a couple of brief cases full of Dust crystals, hopping into one of the armored vehicles and peeling away as fast as possible.

"Yes, they are. Nicolas, if you would please?" Sai asked, looking at him.

He quickly jumped outside and aimed the laser part of his hammer at the retreating van. "I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!" He said, firing a powerful laser at the van, hitting the dust they managed to collect presumably from a previous steal, lighting the vehicle like the 4th of July and making it look like just about any car Bruce Willis gets his hands on in the Die Hard series.

"Nice. Well, guys, I say we deserve to reward ourselves with a kick-ass meal at Texas Roadhouse." Sai said, to which we nodded.

"Hell yeah! Perfect way to wrap up dude's night out!" I said.

"Very impressive, boys." A voice behind us said. We looked and saw a face any of us could recognize. Not out of experience, but out of the fame of the person: Professor Ozpin, the Headmaster of Signal Academy.

"Professor Ozpin? What might you be doing here?" Damion asked.

"I myself was out for a night on the town. Suddenly, I heard a large commotion and I was all of this. A bit brutal and quite destructive, but highly impressive. Signal could use some students like you. What do you think?" He asked.

"Brutal AND destructive? Sounds like it appeals to our demographic!" Chibi-Draco said to which I nod.

"Hm... Train to be Huntsman: protectors of the human race..." Sai said.

"Indeed." Ozpin replied.

"Well, that's basically what I do anyway, might as well make a career out of it." The Silver Haired Enigma said.

"Yeah. Not to mention the fame, babes and money!" I said with dollar signs in his eyes. "All about the Benjamins, bay-bay!"

"I'm in! Any chance I get to be a badass, I take." Nicolas said.

"Then, it's a majority vote. All of us will attend." Damion said.

"Excellent. It's been an eventful evening. First the young Ruby Rose, now you. You should all get some rest then if you want to catch the airship in time." Ozpin said, to which we nodded.

* * *

The next day, on the airship...

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!" Sai, Damion and Nicolas shouted all together.

"God damn it Draco, will you shut up for like five minutes!" Damion demanded.

"Sorry. Jeez." I said, rolling my eyes.

We then heard a small commotion and saw a blonde girl giving a smaller blackish/red haired girl, who was apparently her younger sister, an apparent bear hug, saying how excited she was her sister would go to beacon with her. "That girl looks like she's 15 at least." Nicolas said.

"She must've done something Ozpin liked." Sai said shrugging.

"Maybe she's that Ruby Rose girl he mentioned?" I asked.

"Possibly." Sai answered.

"Well, just means kid's are getting better at younger ages." Damion said.

"Yeah, that's what we need! Better warriors who start out at younger ages." I agreed.

"Huh. Then I'm gonna try and go for a record here. When I have a kid, mark my words, they'll be in this academy by the time they're 10. MARK MY WORDS!" Sai said long and dramatically at the end.

"Ugh..." We sighed all at once. Then we noticed something.

"Hey, is it just me, or does it seem like all the people not important to the scene are a bunch of silhouettes?" I asked.

"Indeed." Sai said, nodding.

We were watching the news on the TV windows, which we all were equally annoyed with, until the screen cut to a woman we knew as Glynda Goodwitch, Ozpin's right-hand ma-... Woman and I THINK has an important role at Beacon. "Hello and welcome to Beacon." She said.

"Who's that?" The blonde from a few minutes ago asked.

"My name is Glynda Goodwitch." She continued.

"Oh." The blonde said.

"You are among the privileged few who have received the honor of being able to attend this prestigious academy. Our world is experiencing an incredible time of peace. And it's your duty as future huntsman and huntresses to uphold it. You have demonstrated the courage needed for such a task. And now it is our turn to provide you with the knowledge and the training to protect our world." She finished. Then the screen turned back into windows and we got a grand view.

"Check out this view guys, this would be a great height to push Tsukune from." Sai said.

"Haha! That would be perfect! That jabroni's plot armor wouldn't do jack shit from a fall like that." I agreed.

"This is one of those things where you can truly appreciate life and all the beautiful things you can get out of it." Damion said.

"Still, though, there's going to inevitably be one person that is going to bring the lame into this story." Sai said.

"Every anime has one." Damion agreed.

Suddenly, we heard sounds of nausea and looked to see a skinny, unimpressive-looking blonde guy holding his stomach and mouth, puking a bit here and there as he went off presumably to the bathroom. "And looky here, I think we just found him." I said, in disappointment.

"Right? We were just having this awe-inspiring moment and vomit boy there ruins it." Nick said.

"It was a nice moment while it lasted." Sai said, we even heard the younger girl say to her sister, who I assume were talking about the same thing.

"I wonder who we're gonna meet?" The blonde sister asked.

"I bet she'd like to meet us." I said slyly.

"Yeah, back off, I call dibs on that one." Damion said, crushing my dreams.

"I just hope they're better than vomit boy." The younger girl said to her sister, but then looked down and was horrified and disgusted by... "Oh, Yang, gross! You have puke on your shoe!" She said. This caused her sister to freak out, mumbling "gross" twice per second, shaking off her foot, to which we laughed and her sister ran away screaming for her to get away.

"Well, the animation is a little meh, but at least it has a good mix of comedy and action so far." Sai said.

"Yup. But all would be progress especially the animation by the third season." I said.

"True true." The Silver Haired Architect agreed.

"Hey...are we there yet?" I asked, then Damion blast my right side of face off with a shotgun. "OH GOD! What was THAT for!"

"THAT'S for being an idiot!" The vampire said.

"...okay!" I said.


	2. Chapter 2: The Kliq Has Arrived!

The airship finally reached Beacon and everyone got off, the first one being the unimpressive blonde jabroni was barfing the entire trip, whose first stop was the trash can, depositing whatever was left in his stomach into the receptacle. "Well, sucks to be that kid. I would say I feel bad for him, but I'd be lying." Sai said as we walked past him and towards the school.

"You can say that again." I agreed, then stopped in front of the school, looking at it in awe. "Ebon's scales!" I said.

"Nice digs." Nicolas said.

"Yeah. Something tells me I'll like it here." Damion agreed.

"Damn. And I thought my house was impressive." The fire demon said.

Less than 10 feet ahead of us, the two sisters from before, who we now knew as Yang and Ruby, were also admiring the impressive site of the castle-like academy. "The view from Vale's got nothing on this." Yang said, then watching as her sister started freaking out and swooning in excitement over other students' weapons having to pull her back in order to keep her from wandering off.

"A girl who's got a thing for weapons. Nice. Hopefully her and I can get along quite well." I said.

"Draco you do know she's like 15, right?" Sai said.

"I know, my silver-haired friend. No need to call Chris Hansen on me. When she get much older, then I called dibs." I said.

While we were doing this, Yang was encouraging her younger sister to make new friends. "But, why would I need friends when I have you?" Ruby asked.

"Well..." She started. Suddenly, a group of students appeared behind the blonde. "Actually-my-friends-are-here-right-now-gotta-go-catch-up-see-you-later-bye." She said quickly, taking off with the group of students, leaving the younger girl spinning.

"Well that's dirty." I said.

"Yeah, that was kind of a bitch move." Sai said.

"I don't know, something tells me I'd like that girl." Damion said with a smirk on his face.

"Do you always think with your-" Before I finished my sentence, Damion again blasted me with his shotgun, but only this time, it's in my solar plexus. "My kidney!" I shouted as that powerful blast send flying to a girl's luggage cart.

"What are you doing?! Are you aware of the damage either of you could've caused?!" She demanded.

"Nope, sorry." I said, getting as I recovered from the gun blast.

To this, she huffed and picked up one of the many cases on the trolly thing and opened it, pulling out a vial of red dust and closing it quickly. "This is dust! Mined and purified from the Schnee quarry." She said arrogantly.

"Gesundheit." Sai and I said jokingly.

"Uh..." Ruby said, confused.

"What are you, brain-dead?! Dust! Fire, water, lightning, energy!" She said, shaking the vial.

"If you know what it is, then STOP SHAKING IT LIKE THAT!" The fire demon said, urgently.

"Here's a legitimate fact for those who hadn't read Sai Kunai Blade's RWB-Sai, Sai has a strong dislike for being blown up." I said, looking at the fourth wall.

However, this girl's focus was entirely on the young red clad girl she blamed for what I'd see as nothing, but this chick obviously sees as highly dangerous and almost destroying some of her precious property. "Are you even listening?! Is any of this sinking in?! What do you have to say for yourself?!" She demanded, shaking the vial once or twice more, the dust in the air circling around the younger girl's face and she had a look like she was about to sneeze.

"That can't be good." I said, with both my eyes widened.

"OH SHIT!" Sai said, making a barrier of demon energy in front of us, which shattered after the dust exploded, creating lots of smoke and fire and some lightning, the vial going flying to someone's feet. This was revealed to be a girl reading a book, who reached down and picked up, looking for the owner.

"Damn, everyone okay?" Damion asked, coughing a couple of times, picking himself up off the ground.

"More or less!" I muffled as my head was stuck into the ground.

"What's that?" He asked.

"I think he said 'it's on my chest.'" Nicolas said, pulling my head out of the ground.

"Close enough." I said, cracking my neck, then I realized we're missing a certain Silver Haired Enigma. "Hey, where's Sai?"

"Down here!" He shouted, hanging on the edge of cliff by his chains.

"Hey, Sai, what are you doing, _hanging_ around?" I quipped, causing the fire demon to grow a tick mark.

"Oh haha, real funny Draco!" He snapped, sarcastically.

"Booooo!" Nicolas shouted, giving me the thumbs down and Damion just facepalmed at my lame pun.

And So Sai hoisting himself back up and over the cliff and was looking to strangle me, but we overheard the girl who is now scorched black, yelling at Ruby. "Unbelievable! This is exactly what I was talking about!" She snapped.

"I'm really, REALLY sorry." She said, poking her fingertips together innocently.

"You complete dolt! What are you even doing here?! Aren't you a little young to be attending Beacon?!" The mean bi- I mean girl demanded.

"Wer zum Teufel denkst du zu jemandem jünger dann schreien sind?!" Nicolas snapped in German. **Translation: Fuck do** **t** **hink you are to yell at someone younger than you?**

"And HOW the hell was her fault?! You're the one who wouldn't stop shaking the damn thing in the first place!" I said.

"Yeah that was mostly your fault. Also, warriors are getting better at a younger age. I watched the first episode, this girl kicked major ass. You probably just got in because you are most likely from a wealthy family that pulled a few strings to get you in. We don't really know what you can do yet." Sai said.

"How dare you! I happened to be a highly coordinated fighter, which I doubt very much this girl is!" She said, glaring at the Silver Haired Enigma before turning back to Ruby. "This isn't your typical combat school. Not just sparring and practice, you know! We're here to fight monsters, so watch where you're going!" She said, crossing her arms and keeping up her arrogance.

"You don't have much friends growing up, do ya?" I asked.

"Hey, I said I was sorry, princess!" Ruby said to the girl.

"It's heiress, actually." The girl who picked up the vial of dust said, walking up to us. "Weiss Schnee. Heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, one of the largest producers of energy propellant in the world." She said.

Finally! Some recognition!" Weiss said as if she did something right.

"But is it really deserved?" Sai asked, getting ready to counter when he saw her raise a fist and aim it at him, but the other girl spoke up again.

"The same company infamous for it's contraversial labor forces and questionable business partners." She said.

"What?! How dare- The nerve of-!" Weiss said angrily, but was at a loss for words

"Wiess, Wiess contain the calamity that is your mammaries." Nicolas said.

"Or the lack thereof!" I said, which made the guys bust out laughing.

Weiss was absolutely LIVID by my insult and was going to strike me, but then Sai said, "As for BladeCorp? Least we gave a damn about our employees."

"Same for Castronet." Vamps said.

"Those two dinosaur companies? Ha! Don't make me laugh." Weiss said, arrogantly.

"Funny how you say that, but no matter how you look at it, mostly everything provided here, excluding dust, is handled by BladeCorp. Like weapons and its honest ways of making money. Hell there are BladeCorps stationed all around the world and half of them I own. Thanks to making deals with Sai's father of course. BladeCorp as well as my company CastroNet is another reliable source of management for which people are treated equally. When it comes to reliability and good sources of income, BladeCorp and CastroNet has everyone in the world covered." Damion explained.

"I love the sound of both companies right now." Nicolas said in amazement.

"Yeah, they rule!" I said, Nick high fiving me.

"Not to mention that BladeCorp is responsible for most of the weapons that are here at Beacon and with the military." Sai added.

Weiss was beside herself in anger at this, to which our favorite Silver Haired Enigma decided to pour even more salt to her freshly opened wound. "In other words, our company is so much better than yours. We give away half of our profits and still make more than your company." He said in his own cocky arrogant tone, then gave a smile as if he was about to tell her to have a nice day. Nick and I were practically dying from laughter and Damion was trying to hold it back.

She looked like she was about ready to tear our eyes out, but merely snatched the vial of dust from the girl and was ready to storm off. "Oh, and Weiss? Deanda send a message." I said.

"I don't anyone with that name. Deanda who?" She demanded.

"Deanda my dick, bitch!" I answered, making the guys busted out laughing some more, and while that's happening, the heiress stormed off.

"Someone needs a hug." Nick said.

"Or she needs to get laid, BIG TIME." I said, the guys nodding in agreement.

"As long as the guy is wearing a condom, the thought of her having kids makes me feel nauseous." Damion said, which made the rest of us shuddered at the thought of Weiss breeding.

Ruby still felt bad about the interaction, calling out to her. "I promise I'll make this up to you!" She said.

"Eh, screw her. She a hater." I said, in my gangsta impersonation.

"Yeah, she's got loads of money to cry into and wipe her eyes with." Sai said.

"You mean like in Zombieland?" I asked.

"Bingo." He said, pointing to me without even looking.

Guess I'm not the only one having a rough first day." She said, then turned to the other girl we don't know yet. "So, what's-" She started, then stopped when she saw that the girl was now walking away. She then sighed, dropped to her knees and fell onto her back. "Welcome to Beacon." She said sadly.

Ruby suddenly noticed a shadow over her and looked to see the blonde kid from before standing over her, holding out his hand. "Hey. I'm Jaune." He said.

"Cena?" I asked, a WWE pro wrestler appearing in my mind.

"Ruby." The young girl said as she took his hand and was helped off the ground. She then noticed something. "Aren't you the guy that threw up on the ship?" She asked.

* * *

Later...

We were walking along, trying to figure out where the hell we were going, having a conversation at the same time. "All I'm saying is a much more common problem than people let on." Jaune said.

"Sorry, I couldn't here the sound of me NOT caring." I said.

"Look, I'm sorry, Vomit Boy was just the first thing that came to mind." Ruby said.

"And honestly, you did blew chunks at least 5 times ON the ship before we got off and you puked more into that trash can." I said.

"Oh, yeah? Well, what if I called you Crater Face and you Mr. Head-Stuck-In-The-Ground?" He countered, pointing first to Ruby, then at me, but then I quickly grabbed the back of his head, and spiked him face first into the ground.

"THAT'S what happens." I said, looking down on him.

"RKO! RKO! OUT OF NOWHERE!" Nicolas shouted, in his Jim Ross impression. (For those non-wrestling fans out there who doesn't know what the RKO is, look it up on YouTube at least. It's done by a man named Randy Orton aka the Viper.)

"Damn, you done pissed my boy OFF!" Sai said, with Damion nodding.

"Hey, that explosion was an accident!" Ruby said

"And it's that snow bitch's fault for shaking that dust around." Damion said.

"Well, the name's Jaune Arc. Short sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it." Jaune said, getting up, while giving himself a rather boastful introduction.

"Really? Because the last person I knew named Jeanne WAS a lady." Sai said tauntingly, causing him to drop his head.

"Do they really love it?" Ruby asked, clearly not buying it.

"They will. I mean, I hope they will. My mom always says that-" He started, before I interrupted him.

"Dude, stop you're just digging your grave deeper. When your mom tells you something like that, it's usually a lie." I said.

"ALWAYS." Nicolas agreed.

"So... I got this." Ruby said, pulling out her giant scythe.

"Sweet!" I said, getting a closer look.

Jaune, however, jumped back in fear. "Whoa! Is that a scythe?" He asked, pointing at it.

"It's also a customizable, high-impact Sniper Rifle." She said, bringing out it's scope.

"Wha?" He asked, confused.

"... It's also a gun." Everyone else said at once as Ruby did something that made it sound like she was cocking a shotgun.

"Teehee! 'Cocking'!" Chibi me said, who appeared on my shoulder.

"That's cool!" Jaune said, looking at the weapon.

"So, what do you got?" She asked.

"Oh, I've got a sword." He said, unsheathing it, a medieval broadsword.

"Ooh." She said.

"Medieval style, I see you, Jaunny-boy." I said, in a voice of a certain YouTuber.

"Nice DashieXP expression." Sai said.

"I've got a shield, too! It's the sheath for the sword." He said, turning the sheath into a shield.

"So, what do they do?" She asked, touching the shield, which caused it to bounce all around, changing forms, falling to the ground despite Jaune's effort to catch it.

"The shield gets smaller. So when I get tired of carrying it, I can just... Put it away." He said.

"But, wouldn't it still weigh the same?" She asked.

"Yeah, it does." He said, lowering his head.

"Everyone else?" She asked, looking at us. We went down the line and she was amazed by each weapon.

"I'm kind of a dork when it comes to weapons. I did go a little overboard in designing Crescent Rose." She said, cradling the scythe like a baby. Not that I blame her, who DOESN'T do that to their weapons? I know I would.

"Rock-a-bye rifle." Sai said, smirking.

"You made that?!" Jaune said, shocked.

"Of course! All students at Signal design their own weapons!" She said.

"We didn't go to Signal, but all of us made ours." Damion said, to which we nodded.

"Didn't you make yours?" Ruby asked him.

"It's a hand-me-down. My great-great-grandfather used it to fight in the war." He said.

"Sounds more like a family heirloom to me." Ruby said.

"I can appreciate that. My clan has an ancestral weapon, too. It's a double-ended katana- *turns to the 4th wall* picture a katana version of Darth Maul's lightsaber- *turns back* that can pull apart into two separate katanas. Been passed down in our clan for 20 generations now. It's my oldest sister's personal weapon currently, since she's appointed to be the next head of our clan. She cradles it like a baby, too." Sai said, nodding.

"Well, I like it. Not many people have an appreciation for the classics these days." Ruby said.

"Yeah, the classics." Juane said.

"So, why did all of you help me out back there in the courtyard?" She asked.

"Common decency." Sai said, the rest of us, minus Jaune nodding.

"Eh, why not. My mom always says, strangers are just friends you haven't met yet." He said.

"Like that's not gonna bite ya in the ass or nothing." I said, sarcastically.

"I see many holes in your mom's logic, no offense." Sai said.

"So, where are we going?" Ruby asked.

We all stopped at this. "Oh, I don't know. I was following you." Jaune said. We all groaned at this. "You think there might be a directory? Maybe a food court? Some sort of recognizable landmark?" He asked. We all groaned each time he said one of these, except Ruby, who laughed. "Is that a no?" He asked.

"That's a no." She said.

"Oh, this is one big clusterfuck." Sai said, annoyed.

"You can say that again, dude." I said.


	3. Chapter 3: The First Night

After a lot of wandering around, we finally managed to find where the entrance ceremony thing would be going down. "Finally. I knew we should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque." Sai said, earning him a punch in the face from Damion.

"Does these two always this violent towards each other?" Ruby asked me.

"Get used to it. That's how they express their love." I said, much to their annoyance.

"'Shut up, Draco!" Both shouted at me.

"Ruby! Over here! I saved you a spot!" Yang called, waving to her sister.

"Oh! I gotta go! I'll see you guys after the ceremony!" She said, leaving.

"Hey, wait!" Jaune called as she left, but she didn't turn back. "Great, where am I gonna find another nice, quirky girl to talk to?" He grumbled.

"If you keep this up, you'll find one in the hospital." Sai said, cracking his knuckles.

"There's a lot of space near Ruby and her sister." Damion pointed out.

We all looked and saw she was right. Out of the entire place, that's where the most open space was. "Oh, I'll be damned." I said.

"Too late." Nicolas laughed.

"Good work, Damion. Not right up front, not way in the back where you can't see." Sai said as we walked up.

"How's your first day going, little sister?" Yang asked, instantly annoying Ruby.

"You mean since you ditched me and I exploded?" She asked angirly.

"Yikes. Meltdown already?" The blonde asked.

"If only it were that harmless." I said.

"No, I literally exploded a hole in front of the school! And there was some fire... And I think some ice?" Ruby wondered as she explained the story.

"There was." Vamps confirmed.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Yang asked in a tone as if she were expecting a joke.

"Oh, hell no, she's not." Nicolas said.

Ruby scoffed at this. "I wish!" She said.

"Ruby go boom." I said, nodding.

"All of us did." Damion said.

"I almost tripped over a crabby girls luggage, but this guy stopped me from falling (points to Sai), but then she yelled at me! And then I sneezed. And then I exploded! And then she yelled at me again! And I felt really, REALLY bad and I just wanted her to stop yelling at me!" She explained, all the while a certain white-haired chick that doesn't like us appeared behind her.

"Oh, shit- Uh, Ruby?" Sai said, but it was too late.

"YOU!" Weiss shouted, causing Ruby to scream and jump into Yang's arms in fear, bridal style.

"Oh, god, it's happening again!" Ruby cried, closing her eyes and turning her head away from the arrogant heiress. Hey, that's kinda catchy!

"Sure is." Sai said after reading the above.

"You're lucky we weren't blown off the side of the cliff!" Weiss snapped.

"I was." Sai said, raising his hand a bit.

"Oh my god, you really exploded." Yang said.

"It was an accident!" She said as her sister set her down, then she turned to Weiss. "It was an accident!" She said, until the heiress held out a pamphlet called "Dust for dummies and other inadequate individuals" having a confused-looking dude holding a dust crystal, not knowing what to do with it. "What's this?" She asked.

"Oh, that's just mean." I said.

"People who used dust in the first place are dummies if you ask me." Damion said.

Weiss glared at the vampire, but then turned her attention back to Ruby. "The Schnee dust company is not responsible for any injury sustained while operating a Schnee dust company product-" She started, me pulling out a remote.

"We don't care." Sai say, completely fast-forwarding through her explanation, as it was already fast-forwarded.

"Um..." Ruby asked, unsure.

"You really wanna start making things up to me?" Weiss asked.

"Who doesn't? Pissing you off is fun." Sai said, now trying to annoy her. She smacked him in the face, but no sold as he didn't even flinch. "That it? Had enough?" He asked.

"Absolutely." Ruby had said to Weiss at the same time I pissed her off.

"Read this and don't ever talk to me again." She said.

"Sounds like a blessing!" Sai said.

"It would be a blessing if you would stop pestering me!" Weiss snapped, glaring at Sai.

"Then maybe you should stop pestering us, first. You don't wanna get stung? Don't fuck around with the beehive, bitch." He said in a dark scary tone, everyone of us backing away a bit.

"Yeah. So you better watch!" I added, pointing at the heiress.

"Watch what?" She asked, confused.

"...IT!" I answered.

"The Stephen King's film?" Sai asked, also confused.

"Nope. It's one of those WWE references." Nicolas corrected.

"Oh. Of course." The fire demon said.

"Look, it looks like all of you got off on the wrong foot. Maybe you could just start over and try to be friends." Yang suggested.

"Nope." I said, shaking my head.

Ruby, however... "Yeah! Great idea, sis!" She said, clearing her throat and holding out her hand. "Hello, Weiss. I'm Ruby. Wanna hang out? We can go shopping for school supplies." She said.

Weiss, however, apparently saw this as another opportunity to be a bitch, adding sarcasm to her cynicism. "Yeah! And we can paint our nails and try on clothes and talk about cute boys like tall, blonde and scraggly over there!" She said, not even looking, but pointing over her shoulder to Jaune, who looked over to her.

"Scraggly?" Sai asked, an image of the Pokemon Scraggy appearing in a thought bubble above his head. "Uh..." he said, pulling out his phone, Googling the definition. "Thin and bony, pretty accurate." He confirmed, putting it away.

"Will you please SHUT. THE. HELL. UP!?" I asked in my Chris Jericho voice, gaining her attention. "You're nothing but a brutal, stuck up, cynical bitch since we've got here!" I snapped.

"What did you call me?!" She demanded.

 **Play Blood Pressure by Cassidy [instrumental]**

"What part you don't understand, the bi or the yatch?!" I demanded. "Are you deaf? You retarded or something? Is your brain cells low as your breast size?"

"My what?! Oh no you didn't!" Weiss said with a scowl.

"Oh yes I did, ol' Tinkle Bell sister lookin' ass. Bring that ass here, hoe. Oh snobbing lookin', pixie lookin', scarface havin' ass hoe. Bring that ass here, bitch. You think you better than everybody? Think you're the best in the world? 'Cuz your name is Schnee? What? You came from a shitty company? What? 'Cuz you got scars on your side of your face? Huh? What?! 'Cuz you got money? What?! A lotta money? What?! Whole lotta money? What?! 'Cuz you got a white dress? Lookin' like you were in a bukkage snowmen orgy in a toothpaste factory. Lemme tell you something, Weiss; your name and everything else don't mean a goddamn thing here. So how about you take all of your dust, shine em up real nice, turn them sideways and stick straight up your candy ass. I'm Draco to the motherfuckin' Bloodgrave, bitch! Better recognized. Ain't down with that? I got two words for ya: SUCK IT!" I said, ended my rant/roast section with a crotch chop.

 **End song**

"I did not see that coming." Nicolas said in shocked.

"Indeed." Damion said as he nodded.

"Damn, my homie with the no chill." Sai said, completely astonished with the rest nodding in agreement.

Weiss now is in a mixed of shocked and anger. She tried to get a word in, but she turned away and walked.

Then, we heard feedback on the mic and someone clearing their throat, looking to the stage to see Ozpin. "I'll... Keep this brief. You have traveled here today in search in search of knowledge. To hone your craft and acquire new skills." He started.

"Please, we already got more skills than we know what to do with, am I right?" Sai asked, confidently, the rest of us laughing quietly and nodding.

"And when you've finished, you plan to dedicate your life to the protection of the people." He continued.

"Well, ish." Damion said.

"But I look amongst you... And all I see is wasted energy." He added.

"Ouch." I said.

"In need of purpose... Direction." He said.

"Okay, how about forward?" Nicolas asked.

"You assume that knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far." He said.

"Of course. From day 1, our clan trains us to balance everything: knowledge, skill, goals and ambition, etc." Sai said.

"It is up to you to take the first step." He finished.

Glynda Goodwitch then took the stage in front of the mic. "You will gather in the ballroom tonight. Tomorrow, your initiation begins. Be ready. You are dismissed." She said.

"I think one thing we all have in common is that we're ALWAYS ready." I said, my group nodding.

"He seemed kind of... Off." Yang said.

"It's almost like he wasn't even there." Ruby agreed.

"Don't know. Haven't talked to him to much to know." Sai said, shrugging.

"I'm a natural blonde, you know." Jaune said, leaning in towards Weiss, who held the bridge of her nose.

"Oi..." My group all groaned at once.

* * *

Later...

It was now night and everyone was settling down. Me and the guys were chilling, setting up our little mats in a way to make us more comfortable: I coating mine with blood, Nicolas creating somewhat of a mattress with giant bone hands, Damion giving his a vampiric touch and Sai pulling out a water bed and flopping in. Ruby writing something as Yang flopped down beside her. "It's like a big slumber party!" She said.

"I don't think Dad would approve of all the boys, though." Ruby said uncaringly.

"I know I do." Yang said slyly, purring, looking specifically towards Damion... Until, unfortunately, Jaune blocked her line of sight from the shirtless vampire, wearing full-body pajamas and... Full-screen.. Yep, matching bunny slippers. He noticed her looking in his direction and gave a sly smile, to which she made an "ew" face and noise, looking back to her sister.

"Oh! She just looked RIGHT AT YOU and went 'ew!' Damn, it must suck to be you!" I laughed at him.

"Aw, that's so cute!" I heard Yang say in a cutesy voice, probably to tease Ruby, who through her pillow into Yang's face.

"Shut up! I didn't get to take my friends with me to school! It's weird not knowing anyone!" She said in somewhat of a pouty tone.

"What about Jaune and all those other guys you met. They're nice. Especially that Damion guy." She said, shooting another look at the vampire.

"Dude, she's eyeing you like a dingo to a human baby." I said.

"Of course. The ladies can't keep their eyes off me." He said, to which I rolled my eyes.

"There you go! That's 7 friends! 100% increase!" Yang said cheerfully.

"Pretty sure Weiss counts as a negative friend. Down goes the hundred." She said.

"Jeez, what's the big deal? No one liked that chick the ENTIRE first season." I said, the guys nodding.

"There's no such thing as negative friends! You just made 7 friends and one enemy." Yang said, Ruby throwing her other puppy pillow into Yang's face. Quite obviously that didn't help her. "Look, it's only been one day. You have friends all around you. You just haven't met them yet." She said.

Suddenly, we all heard a noise like a match being struck and looked to see the girl from before who dissed the Schnee Dust Company and praised Bladecorp, sitting in a corner, reading a book. "That girl..." Ruby said.

"Hello, sexy." Nicolas said slyly.

"You know her?" Yang asked Ruby.

"I'd like to." Nicolas said in a sly tone once again.

"Easy there, Casanova." I told him.

"Not really. She saw what happened this morning, but left before I could say anything." Ruby explained.

"Well, now's your chance!" She said, standing up and dragging her sister over to the girl, who looked up from her book to see what the commotion was. "Hello~!" She said in a sing-song tone, finally letting go of Ruby. "I believe you two may know each other?" She asked as Ruby turned away with her arms crossed, not happy about being dragged over and forced to try and make a new friend.

"Aren't you that girl that exploded?" The girl asked.

* * *

With us...

"Well shit. That's gonna suck if that's what everyone remembers her for." I said, with the guys nodded in agreement.

* * *

With them...

"Uh, yeah! My name's Ruby." She said, holding out her hand, but the girl looked back down to her book, so she stood up again. "But you can just call me crater-" She started, rubbing the back of her head nervously.

The screen quickly splits between the guys and Serena and Selene at that moment. "Ooh!" We all said, knowing that wasn't a good line.

"Actually, you can just call me Ruby." She said.

"This is very entertaining, I gotta admit." I said.

"Okay." The girl said, not looking up from her book.

"What are you doing?" Yang asked.

"I don't know, help me!" Ruby said, turning to Yang, then back to the girl.

"So! What's your name?" Yang asked happily.

The girl sighed at that moment, looking up from her book. "Blake." She said.

* * *

With the squad...

"Blake. A beautiful name, be it for a guy or a girl." Nicolas said.

"You realize we're not part of the conversation right now, right? Just because we can hear them on the other side

of the room doesn't mean they can hear us. So you can save your breath and stop trying to flirt. The only people that could hear us over hear would be demons, vampires or dog faunus." I explained.

* * *

With them...

"Well, Blake, I'm Yang, Ruby's older sister! I like your bow!" Yang said.

"Thanks." She said.

"It goes great with your... Pajamas!" She said.

"Right..." Blake said.

* * *

Back with us...

The guys all had the same reaction, even my head voices. "I would've said her hair."

* * *

Back with them...

Both non-reading girls giggled nervously at the girl's quietness, but kept trying. "Nice night, huh?" Yang asked.

"Yes, it's lovely. Almost as lovely as this book." She said. They didn't get the hint. "That I will continue to read." She pushed more. Still didn't get it. "As soon as you leave." She said, now slightly agitated, looking back to the book.

"Yeah, this girl's a lost cause." Yang said.

* * *

Back with us...

"Well, I'd be rather annoyed if I kept getting disturbed when I was reading." Damion said.

"Since when do you read?" I asked.

"Since shut up." He said, aiming the gun of his katana-gun at me.

"I'll be good." I said, raising my hands defensively.

* * *

Back to them...

"What's it about?" Ruby asked Blake.

"Huh?" Blake asked, finally breaking attention away from her book to the younger girl.

"Your book. Does it have a name?" Ruby asked again.

"Well, it's about a man with two souls. Each fighting for control over his body." Blake explained.

"Yeah, that's... Real lovely." Yang said, either not interested or creeped out by that as Ruby stepped forward.

"I love books... Yang used to read to me every night before bed." Ruby said, getting Blake's attention again.

"Stories of heroes and monsters... They're one of the reasons I want to be a huntress." Ruby said.

Blake seemed to let out a small laugh at this. "Why is that? Hoping you'll live happily ever after?" She asked.

* * *

With us...

Sai chuckled sarcastically at this. "Not in this line of work." He said, shaking his head.

* * *

With them...

"Well, I'm hoping we all will. As a girl, I wanted to be just like the heroes in the books. Someone who fought for what was right and protected people who couldn't protect themselves." She explained.

Blake and I had a similar reaction to this. "That's very ambitious for a child." We both said. "Unfortunately, the real world ISN'T the same as a fair tale." She continued.

"Well, that's why we're here. To make it better." Ruby said.

"Oh, I'm so proud of my baby sister!" Yang said, hugging Ruby and picking her up around the waist.

'"Cut it out!" Ruby said, punching Yang in the face. The two sisters then disappeared in a dust cloud of limbs and stars, catfight noises being heard and Yang giggling as they fought.

"20 on Yang." I said, pulling out my wallet, putting it away when Damion glared at me.

"Well, Ruby, Yang... It's a pleasure to-" She started, before a certain bitch stormed onto the scene as Ruby had Yang by one of her feet and the blonde was trying to hold herself up.

"What in the world is going on over here?! Don't you realize that some of us are trying to sleep?!" She demanded before seeing two familiar faces she disliked.

"Oh, not you again!" Yang and Weiss screamed at each other.

Ruby then tried to shush them. "Guys! She's right! People are trying to sleep!" She said quietly and nervously.

"Oh, NOW you're on my side!" Weiss said.

"I was always on your side!" Ruby said.

"Seriously." My group said all at once.

"You're the one that kept causing the problem." Sai sighed. Hey those sounded kinda similar!

"Honestly, this is why I hate rich people." I added, earning a glare from Damion and Sai. "Well not all rich people."

Blake put her book away, knowing she wasn't getting any further tonight, reaching for the candles. "Yeah, what's your problem with my sister?! She's only trying to be nice!" Yang snapped.

"She's a hazard to my health!" She snapped back just before Blake blew out the candles.

"No, you stupid idiot, your dust is." I said before settling in to my wavy sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Free Fallin'

Sai was starting to stir from a good night's sleep and some great dreams when Damion and Nicolas started getting up and I was still in the middle of a dream with Dimsom. "Wake up, man." Sai said, shaking me, but no dice, still in the middle of my dream.

"Ah, yeah. That's it, Dimsom. Pour that maple syrup...all over my breakfast. You beautiful alien who lives in my house." I said.

"Don't worry guys, that's why I have this." Sai smirked, suddenly pulling out his lightning sword, Ardat and electrocuting me.

I woke up screaming in pain, didn't notice my hair frizzled into a afro. "Dammit. I was in the middle of my sweet ass dream!" I exclaimed, with anime tears falling down my face.

"Wake up, lazy butt!" I heard a hyper-sounding girl say and looked to see a girl with orange hair trying to wake up a guy who must be her good friend, a dude in an outfit I know but am having a hard time describing, but he had black hair and a distinct purple highlight or something in there, looking like that red piece of Ryuko's hair from Kill la kill, but purple instead of red. "It's morning~ It's morning~ It's morning~ It's morning~!" She said in sing-song, then proceeded to talk non-stop... LITERALLY, she would not stop.

"She just seems a bit random to me, you know, like the person you could get along well enough with." Damion said

"Well they do say opposites attracts, Vamps." I said, fixing my hair back to normal.

"And you have far more tolerance than me on this matter." Sai said to Damion

We then did the morning stuff, take a shower, get dressed, then finally we all got downstairs and ate breakfast: pancakes, with some eggs and bacon Sai provided. While we were doing that, we noticed the two from before and guess what? The girl was still talking, now with a pancake dangling from her mouth. "So, I hope we end up on the same team together." She said, slurping up the pancake, then looked like she had an idea. "We should come up with a plan to make sure we end up on the same team together. What if we bribe the headmaster?!" She asked, to which we all shook our heads. "No, that won't work, he has a school." She said.

"Something tells me this chick isn't quite all there." Sai said.

"Yeah, no kidding." I said.

We are now in the area where we keep all of our equipment and stuff. "I can't wait to get out into the field. Gonna make some EARTHQUAKES." Nicolas said, stylishly spinning around his hammer, which is NAMED Earthquake.

"Yep. Time to let the Shinigami Destroyer do what it's made for." Damion said, pulling out his katana.

"My sister is a shinigami!" Sai said, offended.

"Ha! Family Guy Blue Harvest reference!" I laughed as I grabbed my claws, Bloody Delight(formally called Ravage).

"Yep. Once we get out there, I'm gonna come up with a new band name: Ursai in chains." Sai said, slipping on Chained Death.

Then the quiet guy got into his locker and the girl had a much better plan than the first one. "I know! We'll have some sort of signal! Like a distress signal! A secret signal so we can find each other in the forest! Can you imitate a sloth?" She asked.

"Do sloths make noise?" Sai asked.

"I don't know, that's a damn good question." Damion said.

"What does the sloth say? Nicolas started to sing.

"No! None of that! Shame on you." I said, stopping him.

"Thank god/the gods!" Damion and Sai both let out a sigh of relief.

"Nora?" The quiet guy said to get her attention.

"Yes, Ren?" She asked.

"Ren? Like Ren and Stimpy?" Sai asked.

"Loved that show." I said, with Nicolas nodding in agreement.

"Cartoons were so great back then, now it's all animu crap." He said jokingly.

I looked at the fourth wall said, "He's just kidding, folks. He likes anime as much as we do."

Ren then raised two badass-looking guns that were like regular pistols, except his were green and had two long, curvy blades on them. "I don't think sloths make a lot of noise." He said, somehow magically hiding them in his sleeves.

She paused for about a second, but... "That's why it's PERFECT! No one will suspect we're working together!" She said.

"Besides every single person in the room." Damion said.

"I wonder what those two were so worked up about?" Ruby asked.

"Oh, who knows? So, you seem awfully chipper this morning." Yang asked, noticing her sister was much happier than yesterday.

"Yep! No more awkward small talk or getting to know you stuff. Today, I get to let my sweetheart do the talking." Ruby said, holding her weapon in gun form, stroking it gently. And hugging it.

"Right. That's not weird at all." I said, sarcastically.

"You know, I love my weapons as much as the next guy, but when you start referring to them as your 'sweethearts' and stroke and hug them like that, that's the point I think you've got issues." Sai whispered to Damion.

"I'm sorry, but weren't you just saying yesterday about cradling your guns like a baby?" Asked the vampire.

"TOTALLY different. I just cradle them, I don't stroke and hug them." Sai explained, turning his back to him, pulling out his AK, cradling it. "I didn't mean that, baby. No..." he said, hugging it, earning a sweatdrop from the three of us.

"Well, you know, Ruby, You're not the only one going through initiation. If you wanna grow up, your gonna have to meet new people and learn to work together." Yang said.

"Strength in numbers, precisely why A: my clan is so big, B: I have 11 sisters and 3 brothers and C: we get up to 20 chicks at a time. Sai said, nodding.

"Bless your glorious clan." I said.

Ruby, however, groaned when her sister brought up working with others. "Ugh! You sound like Dad!" She said putting her weapon away. "Okay, first of all: What does meeting new people have to do with fighting? And secondly: I don't need people to help me grow up! I drink milk!" She said proudly, closing her eyes and crossing her arms.

"Whoa, watch out, we got a badass over here!" Sai said, doing the meme most of us should know.

"There's actually a picture of that on Google Images." I said to the 4th wall.

"But what about when we form teams?" Yang asked.

Ruby stopped at this. "I don't know... I... I'll just be on your team or something." She said.

"Maybe you should try being on someone else's team." Yang said, playing with her hair.

"I'd like to be on Yang's team." Damion said half slyly, half jokingly.

"Yeah, I doubt that'll happen." I said, which made the vampire to flip a bird at me.

Ruby then got in Yang's face. "My dearest sister Yang, are you implying that you do not wish to be on the same team as me?!" She demanded.

Yang leaned back and waved her hands defensively. "What?! No, of course I do! I just thought... I don't know, maybe it would help you... Break out of your shell." Yang said.

"What the?! I don't need to break out of my shell! That's absolutely-" She started, but then Jaune walked by and completed her sentence out of coincidence.

"Ridiculous!" He said.

"Yeah, Ruby isn't a turtle!" I joked.

"There's no way I put my gear in locker 636, I would've remembered having to count that high! Oh, why does this have to happen today?" He groaned.

"Hey, guys; guess what my favorite Metallica song is." I said, using my blood powers to manipulate Jaune's motor functions, bringing him over to where his locker is, lifting him up to the roof and promptly dropping him in front of his locker. "Master of Puppets!" I exclaimed.

"Really, Draco?" Damion said.

"Lame!" Nicolas jeered.

"Don't quit your day job, buddy." Sai added.

"Ah, screw you guys, that was FUNNY!" I said.

As Jaune was grumbling, though, he passed Weiss and a girl who looked somewhat like a Spartan warrior... Not from Halo, either. "So, Pyrrha, have you given any thought to whose team you'd like to be on? I'm sure everyone is eager to unite with such a strong, well-known individual such as yourself." Weiss said.

"Hm... I'm not quite sure. I was planning on letting the chips fall where they may." She said, then both looked over when they hear a noise like a bag of chips being torn open.

"Whoops. My bad." I said, looking down at the floor where all of my chips fell when I ripped open the bag with a little too much force.

"Well, I was thinking we could be on a team together." Weiss said.

"Hol' up, hol' up, hol' up, hol' up! That's 4 times! Hold! That's 4 and a half! Since when is Weiss ever nice to people?!" Sai asked.

"Right?" I said.

"Do DO do do, do DO do do." Nicolas hummed out the Twilight Zone theme.

"Probably because she's trying to get on the same team with this apparently very strong chick." Damion said.

"Great!" Weiss said happily, but then had some form of storm cloud animation behind her as she had an evil thought. 'This will be perfect! The smartest girl in class combined with the strongest girl in class! Together we'll be unstoppable! I can see it now! We'll be popular! We'll be celebrities! We'll get perfect grades! Nothing could come between us now!' She thought evilly.

"Whoa. This broad got issues." I said, nodding, wide-eyed.

However, at this moment, Jaune got between them, focusing on Weiss, leaning up against a wall. "You know what else is great? Me. Jaune Arc. Nice to meet you." He said.

"Y'all know he 'bout to fuck this up." I said, Nicolas nodding.

"That reminds me of this funny picture on Google. They gave Jaune a sombrero, a Mexican mustache like Nicolas' and maracas and the words next to him said 'Juane Arc, Jaune's Spanish cousin.'" Sai said, laughing at the memory.

"There's something wrong with you." Damion said, looking at me.

"You again?" Weiss said, crossing her arms and looking at Jaune.

"Nice to meet you, Jaune." Pyrrha said, appearing beside Weiss.

"Yeah, yeah." He said, stepping in between then again, ignoring Pyhrra.

"Jeez, what a dick." We all said at once.

"So, couldn't help but overhear your fondness of me the other day." He said, striking what would be a manly pose if he were... You know, MANLY.

"She was being sarcastic, stupid idiot!" I called out.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" She said, face-palming.

"Don't worry. No need to be embarrassed. So, been hearing rumors about teams~, I was thinking you and me would make a good one." He said.

"Hm... A girl whose only use seems to be bitching and a dude who doesn't seem to have a use at all yet... Yeah, I can see that team going places." Sai said, sarcastically.

"Actually, I think the teams are comprised of 4 students." Pyrrha said.

"Hell yeah, Immortal Badass for the win, bay-bay!" I said, chest-bumping Sai, then fist-bumping Damo as Nicolas and Sai chest-bumped, then headbutted Nicolas as Nick and Damion fist-bumped, then holding my forehead in pain.

"You don't say?" Jaune said, stepping closer to Pyrrha. "Well, hot-stuff, play your cards right and maybe you could join up with the winning team." He said.

Weiss then stepped in between them, pushing them away from each other, her hand on Pyrrha's boobs as she did this (not kidding). "Jaune, is it? Do you have ANY idea who you're talking to?" She asked in her usual pole-up-her-ass attitude.

"Not in the slightest, Snow Angel." He said, leaning in towards her.

"You know, he's not doing the worst job of being suave I've ever seen. Better than Tsukune at least." I said, my group bursting out in laughter.

"This is Pyrrha." She said.

"Hello again." Pyrrha said, waving.

"Pyrrha graduated top of her class at Sanctum." Weiss said, bragging as if she were introducing her daughter or girlfriend or as if that was HER accomplishment.

"SANCTUM?! Where?!" Sai said, pulling out the Blazefire saber (Lightning's default Gunblade).

"Never heard of it." Jaune said.

"She's won the Mistral regional tournament 4 years in a row! A new record!" Weiss added.

"The what?" Jaune asked.

"I'm having a hard time telling who's stupider right now: him or Tsukune." I wondered.

"He just seems clueless. Tsukune actually IS stupid. There's levels." Damion said.

"Ah, I see." I said.

"There are?" Sai asked.

"She's on the front of every Pumpkin Pete's Marshmallow Flakes box!" Weiss said, flailing her arms.

Jaune finally got it, gasping and putting his hands over his mouth. "That's you?! They only do that for star athletes and cartoon characters!" He said as the image of the box appeared behind her.

"I've recognize that cereal. My youngest siblings use to eat those." I said.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool. Sadly, the cereal isn't very good for you." Pyrrha said.

"I prefer Booty-Os anyways." I said, holding up a blue cereal box with pictures of three animated black dudes. "Seriously, go Google it, it's a legit cereal." I said, looking at the fourth wall.

Weiss appeared beside her again after this. "So, after hearing all of this, do you really think your in a position to ask HER to be on your team?" She asked.

"Well tough titties, bitch, he does wind up being on her team, not you." I said.

"SPOILER ALERT!" Everyone else said.

"I guess not. Sorry." He said, dropping his head.

"Actually, Jaune, I think you'd make a great leader!" Pyrrha said encouragingly, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Huh... You know, from where I have it paused right now, it looks like he's about to reach out and grab her boobs. Anyway, he reached out after she said this- okay, okay, he was only doing some type of double fist-pump, now with his hands under his chin. "Oh, stop it!" He said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

"Please stop it. This type of behavior should not be encouraged." Weiss said.

"Neither should yours, snow cunt." I said.

"Man, your hate boner towards her is real, Draco." Nicolas said.

"Or a regular boner. Hard to tell the difference with him." Sai said, shrugging.

"Well, it seems Pyrrha's on board for team Jaune. Spots are filling up quick. Now, I'm not supposed to do this, but maybe I could pull some strings. Find a place for you. What do you say?" He asked, leaning in, causing her to back away.

"Alright! That's a bit too close!" She said, putting her hands out to stop him.

"Hey, Jaune! Get closer!" I called out, finding a rapier sticking out of my chest the second after.

"You stay out of this!" She snapped. "I still hadn't forgiven you for those insults you said to me yesterday!" She added.

"Good for you, because ain't apologizing." I said, but then I added, "And thanks for the weapon!" Suddenly, a strange glyph appeared on my chest and launched the weapon right back into her hand. "No matter, you know what happens when you attempt physical harm on me?" I questioned the heiress.

"Oh shit, she's in for it now." Sai said.

"Do you know what happens cold bitches like you who inflict physical harm on Draco Bloodgrave?!" As I got out my pen and paper on a clipboard that says The List of Draco on the back of say clipboard. "Weiss Schnee..." then I click the Pen of Draco, "YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!" And then I wrote her name on it.

"Pyrrha, a little help, please?" She asked, referring to Jaune.

Jaune turned just in time for a spear to be thrown at him, sending him flying, now pinned to a wall by his hoodie, which the spear impaled through and stabbed into a wall. "I'm sorry!" She called.

"Would all first year students please report to Beacon Cliff for initiation. Again, all first year students report to Beacon Cliff immediately." Glynda Goodwitch's voice said over the intercom.

"It was nice meeting you." Pyrrha said, pulling her spear out of Jaune's hood and following Weiss out.

Jaune fell to the floor after he was freed. "Likewise." He sighed.

"Having some trouble there, lady killer?" Yang asked.

"Acquitted!" Sai said nervously, looking around.

"I don't understand. My dad said all women look for is confidence. Where did I go wrong?" He said as Ruby helped him up.

"Oh, there's a bigger list than that. But in this case, where you went wrong was acting all full of yourself and like you were all that. There's a saying I learned from Dane Cook, *to the 4th wall*, not face-to-face, from his movie 'My Best Friend's Girl', *to Jaune*, to get them to come, you make them think they're the shit, to get them to run, you make them think your the shit. That's why Weiss ran and Pyrrha tacked you to a wall." Sai said, nodding.

"And Snow Angel probable wasn't the best start." Yang said.

"Come on, Jaune, let's go." Ruby said, helping him walk.

Later...

We are now on a big-ass cliff. Ozpin and Glynda stood in front of us, Ozpin of course having a mug of coffee as usual as he spoke. "For years you have been trained to become warriors." He said.

"18 years." I said.

"But you ARE 18." Damion said.

"And?" I asked.

"So, you've been training to become a warrior since you were born?" He asked.

"From the exact moment I could crawl, yes. By the time I could stand, I could probably kick your average street punk's ass." I said.

"And today, your abilities will be evaluated in the Emerald Forest." Ozpin continued.

"Sounds like a stage in Sonic the Hedgehog." I said, to which the guys nodded.

"Now, I'm sure many of you have heard rumors about the assignment of teams." Glynda said.

"Yep." I said, nodding.

"Well, allow us to put an end to your confusion. Each of you will be given teammates. Today." She said.

"What?! Aw!" Ruby whined.

"These teammates will be with you for the rest of your time here at Beacon. So it is in your best interest to be paired with someone with whom you can work well." Ozpin said, Ruby letting out another worried groan as the guys and I fist-bumped each other. "And, the first person you make eye contanct with when you land will be your partner for the next 4 years." He finished, the guys and I were somewhat shocked by this, but Ruby was completely horrified.

"WHAT?!" She said.

"See? I told you!" Nora said, putting her hand on Ren's shoulder.

"After you've partnered up, make your way to the northern end of the forest. You will meet opposition. Do not hesitate to destroy everything in your path, or you will die." Ozpin said again.

"Now there's something I can understand!" Sai said with a smirk, Jaune laughing nervously, then gulping.

"You will be monitored graded for the duration of your initiation, but our instructors will not intervene." Ozpin continued.

"Fine by me. I've never liked people getting in my way." Damion said.

"You will find an abandoned temple at the end of the path, containing several relics. Each pair must choose one and return to the top of the cliff. You will guard that item, as well as your standing... And grade you appropriately. Are there any questions?" Ozpin finished.

"Um, yeah, sir?" Jaune asked raising his hand.

"Good. Now, take your positions." Ozpin said, all of us getting ready to be launched.

"Um... Sir? I've got a... A question." Jaune said. At that moment, Weiss was launched.

"I hope she lands on her face." I said.

"So this, landing strategy thing. Are you dropping us off or something?" Jaune asked.

"No. You will be falling." Ozpin said. At this moment, some punk-looking dude was launched.

"Oh, I see. So, did you hand out parachutes for us?" He asked.

At this, I breathe in amount of air, "Boi!" I started. "You are almost as dumb as Tsukune! If he handed out parachutes for us, you would've gotten one already!" I snapped. Nora got launched the instant after "already" escaped my mouth.

"No, you will be using your own landing strategy." He said, Ren being launched just after he finished.

"Ah. Yeah." Jaune said. Yang quickly winked at Ruby, then at Damion, before putting on a pair of sunglasses and getting launched. A split second after, Ruby was launched.

"Well, see you on the other side, guys." I said as I was launched. "Banzai!" I shouted.

Damion, Sai and Nick were launched quickly, one after the other. Now finally only Jaune was left. "So what is a landing strategy-" He started before screaming as he was launched through the air.


End file.
